Can I be brutally honest?

I hate love stories.
Mostly because I am not enjoying my own… haven’t been for a while.
This Christmas break feels more empty than usual.
I sit here at my favorite coffee shop alone.
I turn up my folk music and wish you were here with me…
whoever you are.
wherever you are.
I hate this reality.
I know most people can relate who are living in my season of life–I’ve talked to some of you. Why do we desire a significant other so much sometimes? I was thinking about that on my drive here.
It’s not a specific someone I miss. It’s A someone.
But I realize that the void I try to fill with this person… isn’t supposed to be filled the way the world tells me.
Sorry I haven’t hung out with you much, God.
If it’s possible-sorry for leaving you waiting. You are infinite but if I pretend for a second that you feel the way about me the way that I feel towards that someone out there…. well, sorry for keeping you waiting. I hate waiting. I hate this.
So, I’ll hang out with you.
Can I buy you a coffee?
Wanna listen to this new song I just downloaded? I think you’d like it.
Oh Christmas. I don’t have mad, sad or bad memories of you… but the good ones make me not want to get disappointed this year.
I’m sorry for those of you who are reading this and are wondering why I even wrote this.
I have no idea.
When I sit alone for a while I feel like I need to talk to someone, anyone… no one is probably listening. And i expect no one to respond. BUT is it okay to just want to talk?
I miss you… whoever you are.
The chair across from me looks empty.
But God… you’ll do. You’ll do forever. This cosmic battle within.
How could I even say the words “God, you’ll do.”????? He’s so perfect. Why am I not always satisfied?
Ugh. I hate my life.
but i don’t.
i hate this feeling. this moment of me thinking this way.
so there you go….
just being brutally honest with whoever you are.

My love letter: I am in love.

You set my life up in such a way that I learn everything in perfect timing–I’m ready for any obstacle that comes my way. Flawless. You are flawless! You are so good. I cannot find fulfillment in anyone or anything but YOU!! OH WOW. I am in love! You give me gifts right and left. You spoil me. You make my life easier. You support me when I am weak. You correct me when I am wrong. You speak to me when the world is silent. You like to just hang out when there is nothing I want to hear. You push me to be greater. You let the hard times come so that I can grow. You love me…. whoa. YOU…love…. ME??
I don’t deserve you.
There is nothing I can do to make it up to you.
I’ve never done anything to deserve any of this.
I will worship you for all eternity but there is still lack in me.
I love you I love you I love you.
I’ll sing it forever.
I love you I love you I love you.