Can I be brutally honest?
12/08/2010
I hate love stories.
Mostly because I am not enjoying my own… haven’t been for a while.
This Christmas break feels more empty than usual.
I sit here at my favorite coffee shop alone.
I turn up my folk music and wish you were here with me…
whoever you are.
wherever you are.
I hate this reality.
I know most people can relate who are living in my season of life–I’ve talked to some of you. Why do we desire a significant other so much sometimes? I was thinking about that on my drive here.
It’s not a specific someone I miss. It’s A someone.
But I realize that the void I try to fill with this person… isn’t supposed to be filled the way the world tells me.
Sorry I haven’t hung out with you much, God.
If it’s possible-sorry for leaving you waiting. You are infinite but if I pretend for a second that you feel the way about me the way that I feel towards that someone out there…. well, sorry for keeping you waiting. I hate waiting. I hate this.
So, I’ll hang out with you.
Can I buy you a coffee?
Wanna listen to this new song I just downloaded? I think you’d like it.
Oh Christmas. I don’t have mad, sad or bad memories of you… but the good ones make me not want to get disappointed this year.
I’m sorry for those of you who are reading this and are wondering why I even wrote this.
I have no idea.
When I sit alone for a while I feel like I need to talk to someone, anyone… no one is probably listening. And i expect no one to respond. BUT is it okay to just want to talk?
I miss you… whoever you are.
The chair across from me looks empty.
But God… you’ll do. You’ll do forever. This cosmic battle within.
How could I even say the words “God, you’ll do.”????? He’s so perfect. Why am I not always satisfied?
Ugh. I hate my life.
but i don’t.
i hate this feeling. this moment of me thinking this way.
so there you go….
just being brutally honest with whoever you are.
“why am I not always satisfied?”
because he gave you a desire. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting it.
Push yourself into God as much as possible, but being too weird about it will not get it anywhere. It’s ok if you find someone.
Don’t pursue a guy. But why nit let a guy know you WANT to be pursued. When you end a post like this it makes it hard to know if I guy should approach you.
There are probably a few that would.
There is a void to be filled, that God– designed to be fille by someone else.
He doesn’t want some coffee. He wants you to experience the same intimacy he does.
Merry Xmas.
Thank you for honesty.
Don’t get weird. Just love and be loved.
- your big bro. (not by blood)
ps. Song of Solomon hasn’t been on your reading list has it?
Still have yet to read song of solomon… I learned after postinmg this… Never ever to watch twilight
HAHA. Twilight is A.) not the best movie to help in these matters
B.) Mormon
and finally C.) Only good when they are playing baseball. I liked that scene and that one alone ha.
Ugh. We haven’t talked in a very long time, but I can relate to every one of your beautiful words.
Love you.